'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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