just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
