dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
