I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
