if i can run in heels then i can drive
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
