I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
