I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
