I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
