Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
