This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
