Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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