Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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