The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it's great music for shaving your balls
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
