Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
