We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
