i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
