The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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