yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
