she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
