fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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