i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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