you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
