I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
