This is not my ceiling
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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