Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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