Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
