I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
