You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
