someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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