i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
