uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
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fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
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I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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