We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
