dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Operation Purity has been aborted
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
