She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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