Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
