I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
