But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
