am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
