he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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