we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
