It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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