omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
