everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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