White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
