We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
