just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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