Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
