you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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