tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
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Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
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So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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