I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
That's when you crack a 10am beer
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
