Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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