I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
