we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
