The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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