I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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