Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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