I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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