Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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