ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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