he shaved USA in his pubs
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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