Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
