mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i dont even know how to be here
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
