Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
