guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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