I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dick very happy bro
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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