When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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