Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
