I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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