I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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