five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I will be naked everywhere
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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