just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
